Busy Is Not the Same as Committed

We live in a culture that celebrates busy and embraces urgency. It’s a culture that perpetuates feelings of not enough and being left behind.

One of the things I’ve been working on for the past couple of years is my relationship with busy. For me, busy used to be a status symbol. It was a descriptor when someone asked “how are you?”. Busy was something that felt outside my control, as there always seemed to be something more to do, another fast approaching deadline. Time seemed elusive, and I often felt exhausted.

At the same time, if you had asked me what I craved most I would have said freedom. I was always so busy doing, that I could never seem to find the time to just be. My to-do list was never ending and I was living for a future when I’d have more time.

I want to name the thing underneath that, because it took me years to see it.

Busy was not happening to me. Busy was how I proved I was serious.

I’ve learned that often when we talk about not having enough time or energy, what we are actually communicating is that we don’t feel like we have enough space. Enough space inside ourselves to feel what we really want to feel, to experience what we most want to experience.

Space is the thing. Not time. You can be handed a free Tuesday and still not have any.

And here is the part that costs you money, not just peace. Every decision you make from inside busy is made from the neck up. There is no room to check anything against your own read, so you check it against the calendar, or the competitor, or the person whose opinion you are still trying to earn. You move fast and you move in somebody else’s direction. Open, our free monthly gathering, exists to interrupt exactly that pattern: a circle of women coming back to their own read, together instead of alone.

Compounded by our phones, social media and the endless commercial fight for our attention, we are often struck by a pervasive guilt when we slow down or take some much needed time for ourselves. Our time and attention are a hot commodity, and it’s easy to forget that we are at choice.

Over the past couple of years I’ve shifted from being busy to being more present and aligned with what is most important to me. This doesn’t mean that I am unproductive or uncommitted. It means that I am more efficient; that I have more time for my family, and to do the things that I love.

It also means I make better calls. Fewer of them, and better.

If you’re tired of feeling tired, don’t start with your calendar. Start with one question.

Where in my week do I have space, and what did I fill it with?

Then notice what happens in your body when you consider leaving it empty. That reaction is the whole conversation.